If I Never Had Anxiety
What if I never had anxiety? Let's trace it all back, shall we...
If I never had anxiety I never would have had to transfer colleges.
If I never transferred colleges I never would have had class and reconnected with my friend from high school, Nature of the Girl.
If I never reconnected with Nature of the Girl, I might not have gone to the sorority rush event (that I didn't know was a sorority rush event)
If I never went to the sorority rush event, I never would have met Stefanie and been inclined to get my driver's license so I could start to go to parties.
If I never got my driver's license, I wouldn't have felt ready to take the next steps in my social life.
If I never felt ready to take the next steps, I may never have applied to become a writer for Odyssey.
If I never applied to become a writer for Odyssey, I never would have grown closer to Jo who also became a writer on the same team. And I never would have continued to build on my self-esteem.
If I never continued to build on my self-esteem, I never would have rushed sorority #2 (this time on purpose).
If I never rushed sorority #2, I never would have met Bee.
If I never met Bee, I never would have seen her at a party and found out she was friends with Nature of the Girl.
If I never found out she was friends with Nature of the Girl, I may never have trusted her opinion to try again for sorority #2 (which she had by then left, which was the reason I decided not to go through with it originally)
If I never waited and tried again for sorority #2, I never would have met AML at our first rush meeting.
If I never met AML, we never would have started our own sorority after both of us not getting a bid.
If I never started my own sorority, I never would have left it and lost all of the friends I thought I had, and come to realize how much of a true best friend AML was to me (and we never would have gone on our many crazy adventures).
If I never forced myself out of my comfort zone back when I reconnected with Nature of the Girl and met Stefanie, I never would have applied for an on-campus job I didn't think I would get.
If I never applied for the on-campus job, I never would have had a part-time job that only lasted through the school year.
If I never had a part-time job that only lasted through the school year, I never would have needed a summer job.
If I never needed a summer job, I never would have worked at a summer camp.
If I never worked at a summer camp, I never would have met Moli.
If I never met Moli, I never would have seen Moli at a party once school started and re-connected.
If I never re-connected with Moli, then AML and Moli never would have become friends.
If AML and Moli never became friends, we never would have all become closer to Jo when Moli and Jo reconnected.
If I never reconnected with Stefanie-- Nature of the Girl and Moli never would have met, who were both also close friends with Stefanie.
If Nature of the Girl and Moli never met, we never would have hung out with AML and Bee and Jo.
And if that never happened...
Then this blog wouldn't exist.
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Oftentimes, we look back on our lives and wonder how the hell we got to where we are. And oftentimes, looking back at our hardships, mistakes, and curveballs that life threw at us can make us feel like we would go back in time and fix it all if we were given the chance.
But if the creation of this group of blogs does nothing else, I hope it at least shows you that everything in life is truly meant to be and that everything happens for a reason.
It's crazy to think that my life could be completely different if I never struggled with anxiety and had to work so diligently to fight it. There are so many times when I wish I didn't have to struggle the way I did and sometimes still do. But if I hadn't, then I would have missed out on all of the little victories from the past four years. All of the triumphant times that I accomplished smaller, "normal" things that because of their level of difficulty, meant a lot more to me than they might to someone else. I created a life I loved from scratch because I pushed myself out of my comfort zone consistently and then rolled with the punches of life.
So sure, maybe life would be easier if we had more control over things. But let me tell you...I can guarantee that it wouldn't be as fulfilling. And it definitely wouldn't be as much fun.
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