It's Been a While...

 

March 2023 ~

It's been a while since I last wrote for this blog, and it's so funny seeing what my life was like and what thoughts were running through my mind. For starters, it's two years later and I'm well into the beginning of my career as a teacher. I always said that I wanted a career where I would be helping people, but rather than a career in writing, I used my experience in babysitting in a different way--teaching middle school science. 

Science was the most out-of-pocket choice that could have possibly been made for me...and it wasn't on purpose. I went in thinking I would be teaching ELA, and tapping into my love for writing and reading, but instead I was asked to fulfill a shortage on the sixth grade team and teach STEM. Lead in science, and support in math. Scared, I agreed to do it. I was petrified. I almost wish I had blogged during that whole first year or at least in the very beginning, because I'm sure those musings would have been hilarious to look back on. But here I am almost about to start my third year and I truly could not picture myself anywhere else. Especially not with teaching. I'm in love with teaching STEM. 

I was never confident in my ability to understand science and math. Especially not math, as I always did terribly and scored very low. My senior year of high school I chose not to take the Physics regents exam, and now I'm preparing kids to take that very exam themselves. I feel like high school was just yesterday, college was a blink, and the pandemic never happened. I'm halfway to 26 and sometimes I have to take a second to think, "how did I get here?" 

I'm so grateful for the challenges my road has taken me on. I'm grateful for the friends I've made as much as I'm grateful for the friends whom I've let go of. Even if I still see them in my dreams, I'm grateful to not see them at the mall lol. 

Teaching is scary. Nobody tells you how hard it is. Nobody warns you that you will become a second parent to 60+ children and be responsible for their futures, as well as their present. everybody acts like it's easy...."you get summers off," they say. "Yeah, thank God," is my reply. 

I love it though. It's destroying me. Teacher burnout is real. But I truly do love it. I don't know how I feel about my school in particular. I feel overworked and stressed out. But seeing so many other teachers feel the same way makes me wonder if it's just how it is? But then again, my mom is a teacher and she leaves the building at 2:30 pm. I'm working a city away until 4:30 pm everyday. So I don't know if it's me, the profession, or the environment. I just know I'm tired...but I'm falling asleep with a smile on my face. 

I don't think anyone reads my blogs. Telling from the stats I know it's only a handful. But to be fair, I don't ready anyone else's blogs either. It's not really a blog world anymore. It's all social media. And I don't really care for social media, no matter how much I love looking at my own posts. 

It's currently 2 am and I feel somewhat lost, but I know it's also that I'm feeling tired. I'm sitting in my jeans on my laptop at the kitchen table. Why am I doing this? I never do this. But I doubt I would have opened up this blog again if it weren't for these exact circumstances. 

Alright sippers, I'm ready to spill the cappuccino. The other spillers? I talk to only two of them nowadays. AML and natureofthegirl. Love them dearly, and we're all in the same boat. We don't all communicate with each other anymore. A lot has happened. That's all I'm going to say. (Look at me, being all dramatic, talking to literally nobody). 

Overall, I love where I am in my life. I'm tired so the tone of this post isn't going to be the most upbeat, I realize that now. But compared to where I was two years ago, I'm especially grateful. Last week I went to Paris for a day. Who would've thought I'd ever do that at 25? DREAM COME TRUE. 

The following weekend I went to Disneyland for the first time. I was in California for 24 hours. Such an incredible time. Now it's spring break week and I'm catching up on work though, so I guess you have to pick and choose when you do the fun things. 

Oh! I'm in grad school too!! Almost halfway through getting my master's degree in Childhood Education & Special Education! I'm loving the program, I'm learning so much :) 

I don't know what my forever job is, but I think it'd be cool if I didn't have one anyway. Barbie-style. 

Just do whatever I want, whenever I want to. I think that's the life I want. 

I guess we'll just have to see. 

Xoxo

Alex