"Know that there's enough room for everyone to be passionate, creative & successful. In fact, there's more than room for everyone; there is a need for everyone." - Marianne Williamson
When I was in high school, I heard a quote on an episode of Sabrina The Teenage Witch that forever changed my perspective on jealousy--"just because someone else has something, that doesn't take away what I have."
I try to live every day (or rather, every moment when it may be applicable) with this statement in mind. Sometimes I'm seeing too many "flawless" bikini pictures on Instagram, or I've heard one-too-many stories about how happy my friends are in their relationships, and instead of being happy for them--I find myself with a pit in my stomach.
According to this article from Psychology Today, jealousy is a symptom of distrust that falls into one or more of three categories: projection, protection, and competition.
Jealousy through projection is often found when we are aware of issues within ourselves, so we expect the same in someone else. This would explain why your cheating boyfriend always asked where you were or was constantly distrusting of you--they were cheating themselves, so they projected their behavior and insecurities onto you.
In jealousy through protection, we often may find ourselves becoming aware of warning signs in a situation or a relationship, and we result in combating through jealous emotions and fighting, rather than practically solving. And when it comes to competition--well, that symptom of jealousy may be self-explanatory. Being jealous as a result of a competition is again, ignoring the deeper reasons for why we are seeking competition in the first place. Jealousy as a result of a competition is really just a cover-up for why we feel inferior to a person to seek competition with them in the first place.
It is always better to be happy for someone else, rather than to be jealous of them, but it's easier said than done. Instead of forcing yourself to be happy--recognize that it's okay to acknowledge that you feel jealous, but you need to decide whether or not you want to continue to feel that way. Deeper reflection into the source of your jealousy helps to solve these issues and build your self-esteem for the long-run, instead of resulting to cop-out thought processes like, "well, she's not even that pretty anyway."
If you see a girl with long, shiny hair while yours is up in a bun trying to hide the fight you had with your hairbrush that morning--why don't you ask her for tips instead? Or if your friend is going out more and leaving you at home, make your own plan and invite them to it. Put the work in to fight your self-wallowing and use your energy to self-improve instead. If you want something in life, nothing is stopping you from getting it. You can have anything you want if you put the effort into it. And that includes a healthy approach to jealous feelings.
When I was in high school, I heard a quote on an episode of Sabrina The Teenage Witch that forever changed my perspective on jealousy--"just because someone else has something, that doesn't take away what I have."
I try to live every day (or rather, every moment when it may be applicable) with this statement in mind. Sometimes I'm seeing too many "flawless" bikini pictures on Instagram, or I've heard one-too-many stories about how happy my friends are in their relationships, and instead of being happy for them--I find myself with a pit in my stomach.
According to this article from Psychology Today, jealousy is a symptom of distrust that falls into one or more of three categories: projection, protection, and competition.
Jealousy through projection is often found when we are aware of issues within ourselves, so we expect the same in someone else. This would explain why your cheating boyfriend always asked where you were or was constantly distrusting of you--they were cheating themselves, so they projected their behavior and insecurities onto you.
In jealousy through protection, we often may find ourselves becoming aware of warning signs in a situation or a relationship, and we result in combating through jealous emotions and fighting, rather than practically solving. And when it comes to competition--well, that symptom of jealousy may be self-explanatory. Being jealous as a result of a competition is again, ignoring the deeper reasons for why we are seeking competition in the first place. Jealousy as a result of a competition is really just a cover-up for why we feel inferior to a person to seek competition with them in the first place.
It is always better to be happy for someone else, rather than to be jealous of them, but it's easier said than done. Instead of forcing yourself to be happy--recognize that it's okay to acknowledge that you feel jealous, but you need to decide whether or not you want to continue to feel that way. Deeper reflection into the source of your jealousy helps to solve these issues and build your self-esteem for the long-run, instead of resulting to cop-out thought processes like, "well, she's not even that pretty anyway."
If you see a girl with long, shiny hair while yours is up in a bun trying to hide the fight you had with your hairbrush that morning--why don't you ask her for tips instead? Or if your friend is going out more and leaving you at home, make your own plan and invite them to it. Put the work in to fight your self-wallowing and use your energy to self-improve instead. If you want something in life, nothing is stopping you from getting it. You can have anything you want if you put the effort into it. And that includes a healthy approach to jealous feelings.
Controlli, per favore!
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